It's about the Damn Dynamic

The past couple weeks, hell. month honestly, have been a blur to me. I am pretty sure March only lasted for 2 weeks. I literally don’t remember all of it. With focusing on being a Pro domme and wanting to have dynamics, not just sessions, it can take a toll over time. I actually really wanted to meet and have just a dedicated sub that I could meet up with in person sometimes and have session like maybe handful of times a year. Which one wouldn’t think it would be so hard, but let me tell you about how that kind of thing has been going from my side. 

I put out an ad on my alternate account on Reddit and received about 50 messages, around 25 were worth replying to, of those about 5 I moved to another platform to talk with. Over the last 3 weeks 3 of those people have stood out and I have enjoyed chatting with them. 

Today, I decided to commit to one of them. I told the one other one that was left, yeah, that’s right, two, because either it wasn’t a good fit or they were actually too busy. So I told him we were excited, we chartered for a bit and I realized that my Podcast Co-Host graduated from here so I asked where and when he did I wanted to see if they did know each other. He was from a similar time frame so she wanted to know who he was, I asked him to see more. 

After like 30 minutes I think it’s odd he hasn’t replied and I message him and he has blocked me. Talk about pissing me the fuck off. If you actaully respect someone, you’d say never mind, I’m not comfortable with that I’m sorry I changed my mind. Look how easy it is! I don’t expect it after a day, but damn 3 weeks and I say I told everyone else that I chose you?

This group has not been the only people I have talked to, either. I have spoken to several men whom we talk to and say goodnight, and I wake up to them deleted. There are people who are interested, but they are in other countries, and the timing isn’t great for me when they are only awake while I’m at my day job. We still talk, but I don’t feel fulfilled.  (I’m a nurse full-time, this is just for fun.) I can think of at least four instances of this over the past 2 weeks alone. One guy even went so far as to say he created a Reddit account just to reach out to me. Deleted. Those don’t bother me as much. I understand that you get horny and want to do it, but than scared to actually commit to something new where you don’t have the control. That’s also why I have a different approach than most online dommes you find. I want the dynamic so you can fully trust me in this, and I can trust you as well. I thrive on the actual relationship and need a Pet full-time to help balance my moods. 

I know that’s so crazy, but even in the last month without having my sub I notice such a difference in how much I care. I even noticed a perk up in my mood when I decided to commit to the new Sub, and I started to text him with more focus. It’s gone now, don’t worry. This is the reason why I have had so many talks with my husband, though. This is one of the things that can really positively affect my mental health, just having a real dynamic. 

Last night, I decided to stream on Twitch and play Stardew Valley. I had a sub come in and chat with me for a while. I was having trouble staying on task because, you know, random other things to do on your way in open-world games. I told him I have ADHD really bad and I jsut have trouble staying on task, hopefully it’s not painful to watch. He said that’s fine, most of the women who live dominant lifestyles that he has met have been Neurodivergent also. It unintentionally struck a chord in me, though. 

One of the significant conversations I had with my husband about this and why it helps my mental health when I have a dynamic is because I’m Neurodivergent. For people who aren’t and haven’t heard this term, that’s just an umbrella term for ADHD and Autism thought patterns, basically. For me, I spend all day being polite and trying to think about how other people want me to respond. Masking. I love the men who enjoy me being my true self, saying what I want, and acting out on some of the physical behaviors like biting, spanking, and slapping that I crave for stimulation. I get to say what I’m thinking, and they love it. Everyone is happy. 

I made this blog and work on the podcast because I genuinely enjoy the LIFESTYLE. I consider myself a lifestyle Domme in that fashion. I was so lucky to get to be in a group when I was first starting off, 50 super close kinksters in different kinks and dynamics to talk to and explore with when I was learning and exploring. I want other people to know some of the nuances that are there when you really get into dynamics and past just sessions. I am never happier than when I am in a good dynamic, and I want other people to find the same.

Have fun, be safe, stay kinky

Goddess Jackie J.